wat if i dnt wake up, there still be a sunrise
wat if i dnt come on duty, ma paper will still have an edition
wat if i dnt smile, ppl still have laughs
wat if i dnt speak, there still will be conversations
I make difference mostly to myself
And if i wake up, there will be a sunrise
And if i am on duty, there will an edition
And if i smile, there will be laughter
And if i speak up, there will be conversations
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
crush crushed
I missed a heart beat. Next, I could felt pulse rate racing up. I had always wished this to happen, but never expected that my wish can one day come true. Few steps away, on the opposite side of the hall where I just entered, right to the marriage reception stage of our common school friend, there He was standing dressed in a dark blue blazer and white shirt.
I soon shifted my eyes to something else in an opposite corner. In an attempt to show that I `am not looking at you'. This was something I had been habituated to do, only in His case. And, I realised nothing had changed inside me. Though it's been more than 12 years now. Before also I could never know whether He looked that I looked or the stolen glances were mutual. And this day , when after parting as school mates when we met as grown ups, still those questions remained questions.
It was our friend’s marriage, but it was me who had been experiencing a rush of adrenaline. Nervousness. A Butterfly in stomach. . I had been known to this complicated yet serene feeling. For few years- from class VIII to X- this beautiful feeling had become a daily doze that I had fed on in my teen years.
The moment I would enter into school campus from bicycle stand to corners of ground, through long corridors to classroom my heart would start aching to have His glimpse. My day would start only If I could find some signs that He has come to the school. Or the entire day would remain a long dark night. But I never approached him. For two years, I passed my eight long hours of school watching him, and rest of the day thinking about him, but never approached him. Last when I saw him it was my last day at the school after class X. I had only one thing on my mind when changing the school- if I had one chance to talk to him?
After years, as luck would have it, I could see him again. This time I did not want to miss the chance to talk to Him. I should not miss an opportunity to talk to someone whose very thought can still bring smile on me. I did not wish to miss a conversation with as person whose memories has a power to make me feel light as air. There were so many questions inside me-what did he study, where he has been living, married or single like me. No No, I did not think to marry him then. In school I had never thought beyond stolen glances. And Now? I don't know? I was sure about only one thing - I wanted to know all the things about him.
Few other boys from our batch were also invited for the reception. I were in touch with two of them. They called me to join them. I tried to look as normal as possible. The distance between me and Him was of hardly ten steps, but It took over a decade to take those few steps
There I was facing him, for the first time. Again, I made a point to show that, `I am not interested'. I greeted all the others one by one. Then, came the time to greet the last person. ``Hi'', he replied to my greetings. And, then there was a hand shake. It was the moment I had longed for in my teens. The eye contact and the hand shake should have been magical. I should feel thunderstorm and lightening. Suddenly every one around me should have started singing and dancing because this was the moment a very young me had longed for.
Not only others, but even I was not dancing. I could feel that there was no life in his voice and hand shake was almost dead. Against my expectations, spark did not fly. Like school days, He was still appeared to be introvert and shy. A quality that I liked in a 14-year-old growing teenager, had made looked a 26-year-old man timid . While we all school friends making comments on each other recollecting past events, he stood among us like a statue.
I got some basic details about him like which college he went and that we still in the same city. The most important thing. He during our brief conversation also told me about his singlehood. But some how, I did not feel any desire to make a rapport and remain in contact. To my surprise, I took dinner with one who was the most notorious in our class and whom I hated the most. In between, I did take few glances, to take update on his activities. I saw him quietly taking dinner with our other classmates. I decided to leave venue early, though they-including Him- asked me to stay little longer.
On a way back home, when I recollected what happened in last couple of hours- and I could feel me going emotionless. I should be happy after all I could meet my teen crush. I struggled hard to convince my self that something great had happened few hours back and I should have been very happy.
And soon I recollected what had happened 12 years back and there was a grin, an ear to ear.
I soon shifted my eyes to something else in an opposite corner. In an attempt to show that I `am not looking at you'. This was something I had been habituated to do, only in His case. And, I realised nothing had changed inside me. Though it's been more than 12 years now. Before also I could never know whether He looked that I looked or the stolen glances were mutual. And this day , when after parting as school mates when we met as grown ups, still those questions remained questions.
It was our friend’s marriage, but it was me who had been experiencing a rush of adrenaline. Nervousness. A Butterfly in stomach. . I had been known to this complicated yet serene feeling. For few years- from class VIII to X- this beautiful feeling had become a daily doze that I had fed on in my teen years.
The moment I would enter into school campus from bicycle stand to corners of ground, through long corridors to classroom my heart would start aching to have His glimpse. My day would start only If I could find some signs that He has come to the school. Or the entire day would remain a long dark night. But I never approached him. For two years, I passed my eight long hours of school watching him, and rest of the day thinking about him, but never approached him. Last when I saw him it was my last day at the school after class X. I had only one thing on my mind when changing the school- if I had one chance to talk to him?
After years, as luck would have it, I could see him again. This time I did not want to miss the chance to talk to Him. I should not miss an opportunity to talk to someone whose very thought can still bring smile on me. I did not wish to miss a conversation with as person whose memories has a power to make me feel light as air. There were so many questions inside me-what did he study, where he has been living, married or single like me. No No, I did not think to marry him then. In school I had never thought beyond stolen glances. And Now? I don't know? I was sure about only one thing - I wanted to know all the things about him.
Few other boys from our batch were also invited for the reception. I were in touch with two of them. They called me to join them. I tried to look as normal as possible. The distance between me and Him was of hardly ten steps, but It took over a decade to take those few steps
There I was facing him, for the first time. Again, I made a point to show that, `I am not interested'. I greeted all the others one by one. Then, came the time to greet the last person. ``Hi'', he replied to my greetings. And, then there was a hand shake. It was the moment I had longed for in my teens. The eye contact and the hand shake should have been magical. I should feel thunderstorm and lightening. Suddenly every one around me should have started singing and dancing because this was the moment a very young me had longed for.
Not only others, but even I was not dancing. I could feel that there was no life in his voice and hand shake was almost dead. Against my expectations, spark did not fly. Like school days, He was still appeared to be introvert and shy. A quality that I liked in a 14-year-old growing teenager, had made looked a 26-year-old man timid . While we all school friends making comments on each other recollecting past events, he stood among us like a statue.
I got some basic details about him like which college he went and that we still in the same city. The most important thing. He during our brief conversation also told me about his singlehood. But some how, I did not feel any desire to make a rapport and remain in contact. To my surprise, I took dinner with one who was the most notorious in our class and whom I hated the most. In between, I did take few glances, to take update on his activities. I saw him quietly taking dinner with our other classmates. I decided to leave venue early, though they-including Him- asked me to stay little longer.
On a way back home, when I recollected what happened in last couple of hours- and I could feel me going emotionless. I should be happy after all I could meet my teen crush. I struggled hard to convince my self that something great had happened few hours back and I should have been very happy.
And soon I recollected what had happened 12 years back and there was a grin, an ear to ear.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Blind Date
We sat opposite to each other. He just settled himself on an edge of the bed as I pulled out blue colored arm-back rest revolving chair we use with PC desk. My brother left and now we were just two of us in my room.
Only few minutes back, I had just done first CHAI-SERVICE of my life. I dressed up as traditionally as I can-which was difficult give my latest feather cut and tonnes of attitude on face. Though it was blue and pink salwaar-chudi, but Pa had a problem with sleeves, or absence of it. Anyways, my mother was happy that by chance I had done cleanup and eye brows just a day back. As if I had taken that extra pain of threading to get a desired curve only for the eyes of Jimmy.
Doesn’t it sound like a dog-name? That was I told my Pa. But what is in a name?? He was potential groom. Son of a rich dad. An Engineer, who was living alone. Elder sister, who got married two years back. ``Oh Comeon! What more a girl would ask for?’’, was reaction of Pa.
Ok. So there I served tea to Jimmy, his mother, his father and his sister. While I was trying to get a look of the `boy’, I could felt all eyes on me. Oh! Isn’t that I always wanted be. Center of attention. But when I was centre of attention, I was really not enjoying.
``Beta, show our house to Jimmy’’, said Pa after everyone finished the tea. ``Sure’’, I said. I managed to simile too. And I was surprised that I smiled. I realized, all that was not too bad also.
``So u work with India Times’’, came the first bouncer from Jimmy. I couldn’t stop but to give a strong gaze. Next moment my eyes were questioning him. ``What the hell India Times is?’’. Suddenly I realized I was feeling all normal and confident.
Well was that normal for the situation? All shyness and nervousness a girl is supposed to feel when appearing for an interview for arrange marriage was absent. ``Who cares’’. To me situation appeared like I am on a blind date. I and this guy, with a future in mind, meeting each other. We had only exchanged profile before this meet. We are inside a room. We are alone. And in next half an hour or so we would try to know each other. A perfect blind date. Only that not a website or an agency, but its arranged by parents. ``Chai services not that bad for girls’’, I said to myself.
``Well, no no. That’s not the paper I work for. In fact, no one works for that paper. There is no such paper’’, I said with a proud feeling as I had just added to his knowledge of newspapers.
``So what you have to do’’, seemed he got further confused. ``I run to collect news, then file it and send it. That’s it’’, I tried to explain job of a reporter. But by now I was clear that he knew nothing about media. In fact, it seemed he had never taken any English daily in hand. And, he also tried to make his stand clear. ``I am planning to get settled in Gulf. I see a very good future for chemical engineer there’’.
``Woha’’, I had a sigh of relief. Two questions and I was sure that `we were not for each other’. Not that I have a problem with arrange marriage. My problem is how to decide Yes or No. And, in this case, I had my answer. A warm smile stayed on my face. There was a silence for a while.
``Don’t you wanna ask anything’’, I could see that my smile made him uncomfortable.
``Do you think woman should continue to work after marriage?’’, I asked.
He replied, `` I think blah blah blah blah blah----------------‘, that was all I could hear. May beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that was what I chose to hear. What ever was his answer, I had no concern.
My next question was kind of one that we regularly come across in job interviews. ``Where do u c urself five years down the line’’
``Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah’’.
The blah-blah continued for about half an hour. I was ready to end it any moment and at the same time would have not mind to carry it forward for next 2 hours. But then there were no questions.
``Shall we go down’’, Jimmy asked. ``Oh!Yes’’, I was still smiling.
I could not like Jimmy, and I guess feeling was mutual. But I am very thankful to him. He took pain to visit my place to meet me and I realized how interesting blind dates can be. And, since then, much to my Pa’s surprise, I have never said no to get ready for blind dates.
Only few minutes back, I had just done first CHAI-SERVICE of my life. I dressed up as traditionally as I can-which was difficult give my latest feather cut and tonnes of attitude on face. Though it was blue and pink salwaar-chudi, but Pa had a problem with sleeves, or absence of it. Anyways, my mother was happy that by chance I had done cleanup and eye brows just a day back. As if I had taken that extra pain of threading to get a desired curve only for the eyes of Jimmy.
Doesn’t it sound like a dog-name? That was I told my Pa. But what is in a name?? He was potential groom. Son of a rich dad. An Engineer, who was living alone. Elder sister, who got married two years back. ``Oh Comeon! What more a girl would ask for?’’, was reaction of Pa.
Ok. So there I served tea to Jimmy, his mother, his father and his sister. While I was trying to get a look of the `boy’, I could felt all eyes on me. Oh! Isn’t that I always wanted be. Center of attention. But when I was centre of attention, I was really not enjoying.
``Beta, show our house to Jimmy’’, said Pa after everyone finished the tea. ``Sure’’, I said. I managed to simile too. And I was surprised that I smiled. I realized, all that was not too bad also.
``So u work with India Times’’, came the first bouncer from Jimmy. I couldn’t stop but to give a strong gaze. Next moment my eyes were questioning him. ``What the hell India Times is?’’. Suddenly I realized I was feeling all normal and confident.
Well was that normal for the situation? All shyness and nervousness a girl is supposed to feel when appearing for an interview for arrange marriage was absent. ``Who cares’’. To me situation appeared like I am on a blind date. I and this guy, with a future in mind, meeting each other. We had only exchanged profile before this meet. We are inside a room. We are alone. And in next half an hour or so we would try to know each other. A perfect blind date. Only that not a website or an agency, but its arranged by parents. ``Chai services not that bad for girls’’, I said to myself.
``Well, no no. That’s not the paper I work for. In fact, no one works for that paper. There is no such paper’’, I said with a proud feeling as I had just added to his knowledge of newspapers.
``So what you have to do’’, seemed he got further confused. ``I run to collect news, then file it and send it. That’s it’’, I tried to explain job of a reporter. But by now I was clear that he knew nothing about media. In fact, it seemed he had never taken any English daily in hand. And, he also tried to make his stand clear. ``I am planning to get settled in Gulf. I see a very good future for chemical engineer there’’.
``Woha’’, I had a sigh of relief. Two questions and I was sure that `we were not for each other’. Not that I have a problem with arrange marriage. My problem is how to decide Yes or No. And, in this case, I had my answer. A warm smile stayed on my face. There was a silence for a while.
``Don’t you wanna ask anything’’, I could see that my smile made him uncomfortable.
``Do you think woman should continue to work after marriage?’’, I asked.
He replied, `` I think blah blah blah blah blah----------------‘, that was all I could hear. May beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that was what I chose to hear. What ever was his answer, I had no concern.
My next question was kind of one that we regularly come across in job interviews. ``Where do u c urself five years down the line’’
``Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah’’.
The blah-blah continued for about half an hour. I was ready to end it any moment and at the same time would have not mind to carry it forward for next 2 hours. But then there were no questions.
``Shall we go down’’, Jimmy asked. ``Oh!Yes’’, I was still smiling.
I could not like Jimmy, and I guess feeling was mutual. But I am very thankful to him. He took pain to visit my place to meet me and I realized how interesting blind dates can be. And, since then, much to my Pa’s surprise, I have never said no to get ready for blind dates.
Monday, March 17, 2008
And Jodha Too!
And she argued, ``He has studied in Gujarati medium. I want someone from English background’’. Ok, this friend of mine is beautiful, a quality most sought after in arrange marriage. Traditionally, though a bit overage, but 30 is the new 21 to get married in this era. A diploma engineer by qualification, off course she had no reason to settle for anything less. I decided not to make a counter argument. And she continued, ``Why does it happen to us. Where r all the good, educated boys gone?. This time I was speechless. I had no idea where all the boys, who are perfect according to her, have gone. To change the mood, we went to Jodha-Akbar show.
Jodha-a princess, a beautiful princess. A woman that can win any man’s heart. But she was never given a chance to choose her husband. According to history she had been get engaged to a prince of another state by her father at very tender age.
I wonder if Jodha ever had the thought that’s often a cause of trouble for my friend-``Aisa mere saath hi kyun hota hai’’.
By the time engaged toddlers became man and woman, due to political reason marriage with Jodha was rejected by the family of her fiancé. Did Jodha say –why did it happen to me?????
Again, due to political reason she was married off to a Moghal Emperor Jalaludin Mohammed against her will. By now she must say, ``Why me”
As luck would have it, she fell in love with emperor and he too-who already had three wives- claimed to have madly in love with her. In an attempt to impress her love, Jodha-a hindu princess-learned Urdu. One fine day, she wrote his name in Urdu. She showed the board to emperor to read by himself, only to know that emperor couldn’t read or write.
``Y ME’’, I don’t know if Jodha said that. I took a look at my friend sitting next to me in a house full theater. What would be her reaction in a similar situation???.
Jodha-a princess, a beautiful princess. A woman that can win any man’s heart. But she was never given a chance to choose her husband. According to history she had been get engaged to a prince of another state by her father at very tender age.
I wonder if Jodha ever had the thought that’s often a cause of trouble for my friend-``Aisa mere saath hi kyun hota hai’’.
By the time engaged toddlers became man and woman, due to political reason marriage with Jodha was rejected by the family of her fiancé. Did Jodha say –why did it happen to me?????
Again, due to political reason she was married off to a Moghal Emperor Jalaludin Mohammed against her will. By now she must say, ``Why me”
As luck would have it, she fell in love with emperor and he too-who already had three wives- claimed to have madly in love with her. In an attempt to impress her love, Jodha-a hindu princess-learned Urdu. One fine day, she wrote his name in Urdu. She showed the board to emperor to read by himself, only to know that emperor couldn’t read or write.
``Y ME’’, I don’t know if Jodha said that. I took a look at my friend sitting next to me in a house full theater. What would be her reaction in a similar situation???.
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